Less Controlling, More Selfless

The major element of stress in my life is the dichotomy between finding joy in planning things in my life meticulously, and the realization I can not control people to create my ideal scenarios. Since realizing this character flaw, I have spent years creating some tactics to manage events I’m looking forward to (and tend to over-hype in my head until no one can live up): I plan things like my outfit, because it’s something I can control; I act like the event is no big deal and don’t allow myself to think about it (but then I don’t get the high from planning); I try to be casual as I check in with most everyone involved to see what their expectations are so I can predict a plan. But if you’ve ever read the book The Hours–a personal favorite of mine–you know that picking out the perfect flowers doesn’t mean everyone is going to cooperate with your perfect party.

I’ve also been getting this “bad daughter/friend/sister” vibe since I’ve moved down to Florida. I really enjoy seeing the people I love when I come to MN, but there’s also this gross feeling I get when I realize that whenever I come to town I’m asking people to drop what their doing and abide by my schedule. I tell myself that I would do the same when they come to visit me (and I do try), but I visit MN far more frequently than my close friends are able to visit me. I am the type of person who will drop everything if you ask me to, but I’m not quick to realize you need me to.

With this in mind, I want to not be so controlling of situations, and instead be a supportive role in my friends, family and acquaintance’s lives.I’m going to try to be more selfless this next couple weeks. Here’s the plan:

  • This blog aside, using the word “I” less, and using the word “you” more.
  • Be supportive of other people. Most especially at my friend Angie’s wedding next weekend, but also by doing small things like asking if people need help around the office, giving blood, opening doors, etc.
  • Remembering that everyone is doing their best, and they’re not doing it “wrong” if it differs from how I would do it. This includes not judging Logan on his unique schedule of work and play.
  • Acknowledge others. This includes giving thanks to people who deserve appreciation, and asking what people think more (without rushing to tell my story or opinion).
  • Go with the group. I wont try to control what plan the people around me want to do.

Carried over from other projects:

  • Gluten-free diet.
  • More fresh veggies and fruits.
  • More hobbies and activities, less TV.
  • Avoid things that insult my soul
  • Keep a gratitude journal
  • Maintain a positive attitude

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